Things that go unappreciated about Twenties..

 

All the pressures and worries that we suffer from during our twenties aside, there is so much about this era that go all unappreciated. I tried to list up a few here which I am sure would help you all to cherish this time of life (now & then at least).

Starting with;

• Ability to work against the clock

  We have all been there and done that. No matter 3 hours sleep or 4, we still are make it to work or university next morning and can perform just fine. All that late night parties, slumber parties with friends and not forgetting to mention exam preparations nights just before the exam day. All this because we are blessed with this extra energy, physical strength & ability to be efficient in our twenties, irrespective of many variables.

• Hard work done now pays off for the rest of life

  A few days back I read an article on dailymail.co.uk summing up the interview session with Bill Gates where he says “I  never took a day off in my twenties. Not one”. I know that is a tough one now and we do deserve one day a week just to relax and regain energy for rest of the week (unless we want to become someone like Bill Gates of course). But the point is that we DO have the capability to work non stop, to do overtime at work, to get higher education, more diplomas/certificates, to read extra so as to increase our knowledge & information, to save extra while we can (before getting married or having kids and all this results in having options at later age. Options like early retirement, travel world, better financial position etc

• Can postpone the adulthood (for one last time)

  We still can leave some worries for later if we want to. For After! After 29 maybe?Worries like buying your own house because that takes time for most of us and worries like getting married and having kids because this is our last decade where we can ignore being adults and can be carefree of some particular responsibilities.

• The bitter-sweet memories of struggle & transformation we make

  Oh those awful job interviews, financial constraints, emotional setbacks and heart-breaks and at the same time making friends for life, finding the ONE, getting a good/better job etc. These memories and their impacts do last life time and transform us into a different person for all our lives.

• Ability to make quick recovery & to adapt

  Yes, that is because we are surrounded by so many distractions and we are filled with such an enthusiasm and energy which helps us to move on and adapt more promptly.

Therefore we should cherish this valuable decade. After all we get only 10 years to be in our twenties. But I believe we should not be “killing time” more often in our twenties. Instead should be trying to be productive because the time is ripe now for making any improvements.

Discussing Finance. Shameful or Useful?

Two types of things are usually important and sensitive to a person:

A-Things he/she talks about all the time

B-Things he/she never ever or rarely talks about

                                                   

Few days back an article on yahoo said that discussing finance shouldn’t be a taboo which I believe is so right.  In your twenties when you are still struggling with your finances and job (and to put it right for most of us Asians, the struggle and job just starts in twenties), it gets quiet hard for many of us to talk about it even with our families which shouldn’t be like that because the habit once developed at this stage, is not easy to get rid off.

Our one great teacher used to say, “Parents should not give too much importance to money in front of very young children, should not argue about budget in front of them, and should not fight about bills in front of them etc because this gives them the life time impression that MONEY is  only what matters”.

And now I want to add a bit to what he said after reading that article that we should also be able to say things like I don’t have enough money for something, I can’t afford it at the moment, I am looking for better job these days therefore my budget is bit tight, I have no savings in my bank account etc to our friends, colleagues or family just like any other normal conversation. Because not talking about finance at all is also not good for mental health, because it’s okay to not to have money available all the time, to exceed the budget sometimes, to have no considerable savings during your twenties and because its completely okay to share money related worries with someone without thinking he/she might think that you probably are asking for help indirectly etc. It is just OKAY and we all need to understand this that it is not something to be embarrassed about. As sometimes these discussions lead to better ideas of budgeting or the realisation that you are not the only one suffering or maybe many good suggestions rather than not having these discussions and letting the people who can spend more than us influence us to spend.

 

Best Influencer?

Not everyone can change you, motivate you to become a better person, make you right your imperfections. Mostly the person who can is the one who doesn’t do that by telling all that out loud to you but by being so nice and perfect himself/herself which leads you to feel deeply impressed and fully convinced that yes, yes these are the characteristics I need to adopt too, these are the ways I should follow too. This person is the one who has no intention in particular to do so but still makes us realize the flaws and weaknesses in our personalities and to be honest twenties really is the time of and for transformation because you yourself strive to become perfect or somewhat perfect therefore you welcome any suggestions and advises (that are subtle otherwise we lose our minds too :p) otherwise in teenage you mostly Over or UNDER estimate yourself.

I have started noticing that a person who is your age fellow and is better in any way can be the best influencer  as you can relate to him/her and without being lame and you can clearly see that if he/she can do it at my age, I can too. That is the reason why ‘AGE’ is the most used demographic element to make a sample group for any study/research because physical and emotional characteristics/hormones are highly linked to and interdependent on age and people find it convenient to relate themselves with the people of same age than same status, race, nationality, religion even gender which is why all teens are referred as energetic, aggressive, sensitive etc and all old people are considered weak, experienced, emotional and sometimes nagging etc.

So look for a better person of YOUR age to make him/her your councelor/influencer rather than someone older or younger! Because we all know that in the end we never learn or want to learn from the experiences of our elders. :p

Jealousy..

I believe jealousy is an emotional reaction, a part of behaviour which is why it is very challenging to tackle it . It just ‘happens’ sometimes like a random quick thought, over something so minor maybe that you don’t even realise that you are being jealous. (And Quite often when we are in our twenties Because we still are in the phase of becoming PROPER ADULTS).

For Example:

One can be jealous of someone’s some expensive/unique possession

Beauty

Intelligence

Personality

Family Life

Love life etc

And this feeling is most disastrous of all the other negative ones probably. It leads to anxiety, feeling of discontent & under-accomplished, complexes and causes damage to self confidence and relationships etc.

To be honest few years back I started getting jealous (being a normal human being) and started thinking if I am and someone else is working equally or I am working more on a course/subject at university then how can he/she can be rewarded and appreciated more than me even when everybody can tell I did it great too. Ah well. I just wanted to share how I tackled that because it really helped me pull through it. I till now feel so satisfied with everything I have and believe I just need to work hard and pray for what I don’t .

1.I just switched to this concept of ENVY from jealousy and started thinking that “yes other person has this special thing/blessing, I wish I would too someday”.

2.I started counting my blessings and thinking about them more often which helped me feeling grateful, lucky and blessed all the time.

3.The last but most effective was whenever I felt even a bit of jealous, I started reciting/wishing Masha’Allah ( What Allah willed) and BarakAllahu feek (may Allah Bless you)  because that made me remember always that the person is blessed by God, Who has blessed me too with too much and can bless me with this too.

Changes!

Hundred of changes hit us when we are in our twenties which is why being in twenties is not easy & has a life lasting effect overall.

==>You get Graduated which leads to you feeling all accomplished yet really sad as well. Even the thought of finishing university gives you mini heart attacks because you know the time has come when you can’t run from responsibilities anymore saying “I have a quiz tomorrow” or “I am tired because it was hectic today at university”. ( because life really has some more important things to throw at us than maintaining our attendance at university above 75%)

==>You lose People, well not actually lose them but you see them less often & friends’ time shrinks to meeting up once a month only. ( and slowly you will find it absolutely normal as we are so flexible to adaptation when in our twenties. Not rigid at all. We move on. We get over heartbreaks. We look forward to improve)

==>You start your first job/internship which is not a very pleasurable experience for many of us. New workplace, new people, new routine, high expectations, less money. (You actually start thinking that you are the only one in this whole wide word who’s getting paid THE LOWEST.)

==>You get married. In many of the Asian countries, yes  you definitely have to get married in your twenties which is the most prominent & life changing “CHANGE”. This change brings along a lot more responsibilities & I don’t need to mention them.

All I can say is HAPPY CHANGING!                                                                                                           Keep changing because change means ‘growth’ & really what a boring life would it be without any change?

The only failure of a writer is to stop writing.

Maybe writing was never an addiction to me and that is why I was able to quit on it or used to take it for granted until my teacher few days back said;

“Writing down your thoughts is exactly like vomiting out the undigested food. Just like you desperately need to get rid of that food poisoning your stomach as soon as possible to make room for more healthy food similarly you need to make room for new thoughts/ideas by making them black and white before they get transformed into negative ones and bar the new thoughts”

That is when i finally decided that I will write whatever I would feel like writing. One doesn’t have to be no perfect writer having a extensive deep knowledge about vocabulary and impressive idioms. Writing is not only about showing off hefty way of writing, it can be simple and usual too. Well depends.

In my point of view, anyone who can THINK can write too. So to write differently maybe one have to think differently.

Confident or Not?

In our twenties, especially early twenties, we are so conscious of our looks, appearance, personality and way of living and dealing others that one day we are confident like hell and the other day our Google search history is full of things like “How to lose weight”, “home remedies for clear/fair skin”, “Latest fashion”, “Best ways to carry yourself” etc

Why be ashamed of it? We are in the era where we want to look and feel The best. Its just the switching over to being confident and not confident. In business we call or measure this switching as a COST.

After thinking for days I have come to the conclusion that to reduce this cost one needs to analyse and decide what are the factors or determinants affecting his/her confidence. We need to  find out what is it that we are sensitive about or we need to improve or update. It may be way of talking, things you carry daily (cellphone, tablet, laptop, bags etc).

For example for some people confidence is dependent on the clothes they wear, the gadgets they use, the way they look etc and there is nothing wrong with it. We all have different perception as this is part of human behaviour. We can maybe set one particular day of a month and  should only evaluate ourselves on that particular day, thoroughly! Then we can focus on ways to improve those particular things that ACTUALLY need improvement rather than thinking whole month; oh I have perfectly fine hair and next day after getting influenced by someone; Nah! I wish I had curly/silky hair. This just wastes our time.

So find your personal determinants of good and healthy confidence and focus on them If you yourself think that you need to because at the end of the  day, what actually matters when it comes to confidence is your own satisfaction level with yourself!

Confused?!

Being confused for several days or even weeks isn’t Bad but being LOST is!

I have noticed that a person is most confused when in teenage because in your twenties you start getting more adventurous and you just leave it on your luck and let everything happen. Why? Because having no much experience you still are bit confused. Its just now you know that you yourself are responsible for your decisions whereas As a teenager you always had excuses like “I didn’t know”, “I don’t have the resources”, “parents won’t allow”, “what would my friends think of me” which leads to the fear or confusion and ultimately lack of decision making power.

But sometimes parents are the ones making decisions for their kids till they are in their late teen age because of which we kids when enter our twenties, we are still looking at to them to decide for us for many years.

Just for the sake of  example, a month ago I needed to renovate my room and was offered by my parents that I can get it re-painted. THERE! I didn’t even know what colour I wanted.

Me: Gray?

Mom: Too depressing!

Me: Let’s paint one wall Black?

Mom: That’s too dark!

Me: Lime?

Mom:Yes Lime is good. Oh you are too confused!

*But Next day mom brings two cans of Blue paint*

Me: Um Blue is not bad, I actually like it! (To be honest, I tried to convince myself!)

Whereas what I think is my mother should have left me all confused and given me an ultimatum for some days to decide it for me.  Instead of deciding herself, she should have appreciated that i was only confused not LOST. I had my options at least. I didn’t gave up saying choose whatever you like.

We should really stop discouraging confusion because a confused mind is nothing but just well mixed (with stuff it KNOWS). All we need is to stop seeing confusion as a danger because many good and exciting things happen out of confusion like love, invention, idea…